Some new relationships start off with great conversation. You’re both getting to know one another and it’s so exciting; it feels like you’ll never run out of things to talk about. Then, the “honeymoon” phase ends and you may begin to feel lost about what to talk about.
In other cases, you and your crush have both admitted your feelings and decided to date, but the two of you are shy or nervous which makes conversation a bit difficult. Whatever the situation may be, struggling to make conversation isn’t all that uncommon in relationships.
While it can sometimes be a red flag, it doesn’t always have to mean the end of a relationship. The two of you can work on conversation skills so that conversation is interesting and comes more naturally. To help you with this, we’ve put together a number of topics that you can use to start a conversation with your boyfriend that keeps him engaged.
Talk About Your Day
It may seem super cliche, but one way to start a conversation with your boyfriend is to ask about his day. Sometimes, simply asking “how was your day?” will only elicit a single word response of “good” which doesn’t help you make conversation.
If your boyfriend doesn’t elaborate on his day, ask him questions about it. Did anything interesting happen? Did you get any eccentric clients at work? What was good about it? If your boyfriend doesn’t seem to have much to say, you can also share aspects of your day.
Most people prefer to date someone with common interests; otherwise, both conversation and shared activities become a little difficult. It’s likely that you and your boyfriend have some of the same hobbies, so talking about them is a great way to make conversation.
For instance, if you both enjoy the same TV shows, you could ask him what he thinks of the latest episodes. You could also ask him how he feels about certain characters or if he has any predictions about what he thinks is going to happen. Share your opinions, too, to keep the conversation moving.
Find Out His Interests
Asking about your boyfriend’s interests is a great way to get him talking, as most people enjoy sharing the things they’re passionate about with others. If you already know some of his interests, you can ask questions about those things: “Who’s your favorite football player and why?”
You can also find out what other interests he has and talk about those. Ask him if he has any hobbies other than the things you already know about, or if there’s anything he’s interested in trying but hasn’t yet.
Ask About His Friends and Family
Asking your boyfriend questions about his friends and family shows that you’re attentive and you care about the people that are important to him. Because he cares about these people, he’s more likely to engage in a conversation about them as opposed to giving one-word answers.
Some examples of questions you could ask include things like “I heard your friend Jimmy got a new puppy. How are things going for him?” or “Did your mom ever find out what was causing her back pain?” These questions show your interest and give you and your boyfriend something to talk about.
Talk About Yourself
Opening up about yourself can make it easier for others to open up as well. If you talk about the things you’re interested in and how you got into them, you give your boyfriend the opportunity to learn more about you. Not only that, he may relate to some of the things you’re saying and want to pitch in to the conversation.
You can also talk about stories from your past, your relationship with your family members, or even the goals and dreams you have for the future. Oftentimes, you’ll get to learn more about your boyfriend, too, as he’ll likely respond by sharing some of his own similar experiences.
Embarrassing stories make for a great laugh and sharing them can be a bonding experience. Tell your boyfriend about the time you walked the wrong way during a marching band performance on the football field in high school, or when you sneezed so hard you farted in an otherwise silent room. Get him to share some of his embarrassing stories, too!
Ask Hypothetical Questions
Hypothetical questions can be a lot of fun. They make for interesting, lighthearted, and even humorous conversation. You can ask hypothetical questions based on popular fiction, history, or “would you rather” scenarios.
Here are a handful of hypothetical questions you could ask your boyfriend:
- Which Deathly Hallow would you choose: the elder wand, the invisibility cloak, or the resurrection ring? (Be sure to explain what each Hallow does if your boyfriend isn’t a Harry Potter)
- If you could have a conversation with any historical figure, who would it be and what would you talk about?
- If you could live in a different time period, which time period would you live in?
- Would you rather have the ability to see 10 minutes into the future or 150 years into the future?
- If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
- If you could live in a fictional universe, which one would you live in?
Do Activities Together
If you’re still struggling to start a conversation, try doing some activities with your boyfriend. These could be anything from arts and crafts to video games to board games. Activities will give you a topic to talk about but will also make it feel less awkward if there are lulls in the conversation since you’ll both be focused on the activity.
There are also some games that are based on making conversation, like 20 questions or two truths and a lie. The game “no words” has the two of you asking questions and responding by sipping a drink—one sip means yes and two sips mean no. You can choose whether or not the beverage is alcoholic.
Silence Isn’t Always Bad
While silence can sometimes feel awkward, like a lull in the conversation, it doesn’t always have to be so. Many healthy couples experience silence together in a way that is not detrimental to their relationship. Instead, it speaks of a different kind of closeness.
Two people who can share silence without feeling awkward are truly comfortable with one another. They can appreciate each other’s company without having to fill every single second with speech or noise. Some couples enjoy being in the same room while doing different activities.
Similarly, sometimes communication isn’t verbal. You might have an intimate moment where one of you is resting your head in the other’s lap while they stroke your hair. Both you and your partner are experiencing a moment of intimacy, contentness, and love, and you don’t need words.
Whether you’re new to a relationship or just coming out of the honeymoon phase, it’s not all that uncommon to struggle with conversation. If you focus on topics that you or your partner are interested in, the conversation is more likely to flow naturally. Make sure to ask your partner open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a single word.
Some of the best conversation topics include hobbies (both yours and his), friends and family, personal stories, embarrassing stories, and fun hypothetical questions. It’s also helpful to participate in activities together that will relieve the pressure of having a conversation but also give you something to talk about.
If you tend to have a lot of awkward silences, then you’re doing the right thing by searching for conversation topics. However, it’s also important to understand that silence can be a marker of comfort in a relationship. It’s totally possible for two people to enjoy each other’s company in silence. If your silences don’t feel awkward, then don’t try to fill them with conversation.